Have you ever been in a room full of people—whether at work, a coffee shop, or a party—and still felt strangely alone? You see familiar faces, but something feels off, like you’re floating on the surface of a sea of small talk, never quite diving deeper. I’ve been there, too. It can leave you feeling invisible, like no one truly sees you. But what I’ve learned over time is that shared experiences hold the key to creating those deep, meaningful friendships we crave.

In this post, we’re going to explore how you can mindfully create and strengthen connections through shared experiences—whether with friends, coworkers, or even those you casually interact with every day. And here’s the fun part: these opportunities for connection often pop up in the most unexpected places.

Quick takes:

• Shared experiences, especially the exciting or risky ones, can quickly forge emotional bonds.
• Simple techniques like eye contact, body language mirroring, and shared vulnerability can turn casual moments into deep connections.
• Look for opportunities in your daily routines—grabbing coffee, commuting with coworkers, or even running errands can become moments of connection.
• Just being near someone doesn’t create a bond—intention and emotional engagement do.
• Businesses, like coffee shops or offices, can foster connection by turning casual spaces into hubs for shared experiences.

The power of shared experiences in forming bonds

What exactly are shared experiences? They’re the moments we go through with others, big or small, that form the foundation of stronger relationships. These moments give us something to reflect on together, laugh about, and build a history around. When you think about your closest friendships, many are likely built on a series of shared experiences, from thrilling adventures to quiet moments of connection.

High-arousal experiences

High-arousal experiences are the ones that get your heart pounding. Whether it’s excitement or fear, these moments often stand out in our memories. Think of something like riding a roller coaster with a friend. The adrenaline rush and shared laughter afterward bring you closer, as if you’ve gone through something special together.

I remember when I took a leap of faith and signed up for a ropes course with a new group of friends. Balancing on shaky platforms suspended high in the trees was terrifying, but when we all made it through, the shared sense of accomplishment bonded us in a way that a simple lunch never could. That experience became a cornerstone of our friendship.

The science backs this up—when our emotions are heightened, the bonds we form with others tend to be stronger and more enduring. So, whether it’s conquering a fear, taking a risk together, or tackling a big project at work, these high-arousal experiences can create lasting connections.

Low-arousal experiences

On the flip side, not all connections are born from adrenaline. Some of the strongest bonds are built through quieter, everyday moments—what I like to call low-arousal experiences. These are the slow walks, the weekly coffee dates, or the peaceful yoga classes with a friend. They might not spike your heart rate, but they build emotional depth over time.

For example, every Sunday, my neighbor and I water our gardens at the same time, sharing conversation in the quiet of the morning. These calm, consistent moments allow us to open up, joke around, or just share a comfortable silence. It’s these regular, low-arousal experiences that, over time, weave the threads of deep connection.

The emotional engagement you bring to these moments—whether laughing together, confiding in each other, or just enjoying each other’s company—can turn something simple into a meaningful bond.

Traditions

Then there are traditions, the rituals that give your relationships consistency and depth. These don’t have to be grand or formal—a weekly dinner with friends, an annual camping trip, or even a Friday night movie marathon can become something that ties you together. With each repetition, the bond strengthens, as you build a history of shared moments that hold meaning.

A friend of mine and I started a tradition of exchanging homemade holiday cookies every year. What started as a casual activity has evolved into something I look forward to. It’s become more than just cookies—it’s a reflection of our friendship, a small but significant ritual that strengthens our connection year after year.

Everyday moments

Even the smallest moments—like chatting with a coworker while grabbing coffee—can hold the potential for connection if approached with intention. It’s easy to overlook these opportunities, but by being mindful and emotionally present, even a brief conversation can become a shared experience.

Emotional bonding factors that deepen connections

When you do share experiences, a few simple techniques can help deepen the bond even further. These gestures might seem small, but they’re surprisingly powerful:

1. Eye contact: Looking someone in the eye while you speak shows that you’re truly paying attention. It builds trust and makes the other person feel seen and understood.
2. Mirroring body language: When we subconsciously mirror someone’s gestures or posture, it creates a sense of comfort and synchrony. Try this next time you’re talking to a friend—you might be surprised how it strengthens the connection.
3. Verbal mirroring: Mirroring the tone or rhythm of someone’s speech helps conversations flow more naturally, making the other person feel like you’re truly on the same wavelength.
4. Emotional contagion: Have you ever noticed how one person’s laughter can be contagious? When we share positive emotions, like joy or excitement, it can create a stronger bond.
5. Physical touch: Whether it’s a hug, a handshake, or a pat on the back, appropriate physical touch can release oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” making you feel closer to someone.
6. Proximity: Being physically close to someone creates warmth and intimacy, whether you’re sitting side by side at lunch or standing next to someone during a conversation.
7. Shared vulnerability: Nothing deepens a connection like opening up about your struggles or fears. When we share our vulnerabilities, we invite empathy and trust, which often leads the other person to open up as well.

Shared experiences at work: Unintentional bonding opportunities

Work is a place where shared experiences can happen naturally, though we often overlook them. Collaborating on a project, celebrating a team win, or even commiserating over a tight deadline can create bonds without you even realizing it. But it’s important to remember that proximity alone doesn’t create connection—being intentional and emotionally engaged does.

Shared experiences in social settings: Turning casual interactions into connections

Casual social settings—like coffee shops or bars—are full of opportunities for connection. Maybe you see the same faces every time you stop by for your morning coffee. These settings are ripe for shared experiences, but you’ll need to take the first step. Strike up a conversation, join a trivia night, or simply share a laugh about your favorite drink.

Some businesses make this easier by hosting events like game nights or open mic performances, creating opportunities for patrons to bond. These shared activities can turn a casual space into a community hub, where connections are formed more easily.

When shared experiences push people apart

Not all shared experiences bring people closer. High-stress situations or competitive environments can sometimes lead to tension instead of connection. For example, if one person feels left out or isn’t contributing equally, it can create resentment. Being mindful of these dynamics and addressing conflicts early can help prevent damage to the relationship.

Let’s wrap it up…

Shared experiences are the foundation of deep, lasting friendships. By being intentional and emotionally present, you can turn even everyday moments into opportunities for connection. Whether it’s planning a group outing or simply being more engaged during a conversation, these experiences form the history that binds us together.

So, here’s my challenge to you: be mindful of these moments. Start that new tradition, say yes to spontaneous invites, and be fully present with the people in your life. You’ll be amazed at how these small actions can lead to deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

FAQs about shared experiences

More things about shared experiences from other places…

1. 7 Ways to Build Emotional Intimacy with Your Partner. Shared experiences aren’t just for making new friendships, but for strengthening existing relationships, as well.
2. 3 Keys to the Power and Meaning of Eye Contact. How making eye contact automatically changes social interactions.
3. The Levels of Eye Contact. Super fun, easy, and helpful read.

What about you?

I’d love to hear from you! Have you experienced a moment where a shared experience deepened a friendship? Whether it was an exciting adventure or a simple, quiet moment, feel free to share in the comments how connecting through shared experiences has impacted your relationships. Let’s inspire each other to build deeper bonds!