We all want to grow and improve, but have you ever felt frustrated that you’re not there yet? It’s easy to get so caught up in becoming a better version of yourself that you forget to appreciate the person you are today. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to wait until you’ve “arrived” to feel good about yourself. You can be excited about the person you’re becoming while still loving who you are right now.
In this article, we’re going to explore how to strike that balance—growing and changing while embracing who you are in the present moment. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress, patience, and self-compassion.
Quick takes
- Growth is a process, not a destination: Embrace the person you are today while you work toward the future.
- Celebrate every step forward: No matter how small the win, it’s still progress.
- Practice self-compassion: Speak kindly to yourself, just as you would to a close friend.
- Focus on the present: Mindfulness can help you appreciate where you are, even as you work toward change.
- You are already worthy: Your value isn’t tied to your goals or habits—love who you are now.
Embracing the present while aspiring for the future
When you’re on a journey of self-improvement, it’s easy to focus only on the end goal. You might think, “Once I quit smoking” or “Once I lose weight, I’ll feel better about myself.” But here’s the truth: who you are right now is just as important as the person you’re becoming. Your value doesn’t increase with your accomplishments—you’re already someone worthy of love, care, and respect.
This doesn’t mean you can’t strive to grow and improve. It means recognizing that your worth isn’t dependent on reaching a certain goal. By embracing who you are today, you build a solid foundation for meaningful growth.
The duality of growth: loving who we are and who we are becoming
We often think that loving ourselves and wanting to change are opposites, but they can coexist. Self-love isn’t about being perfect or never wanting to improve—it’s about treating yourself with kindness as you move toward your goals.
When you accept who you are now, it gives you the strength to face the challenges of personal growth. Instead of feeling like you’re not good enough, you can approach change from a place of compassion and excitement for the future. Loving yourself today doesn’t mean giving up on your goals—it means supporting yourself every step of the way.
The power of self-compassion
Self-compassion is about recognizing that you’re human, and like all humans, you have flaws. When we treat ourselves with kindness, we make room for mistakes and setbacks. Growth isn’t linear—it’s messy, full of ups and downs. But that’s okay.
Think of how you’d comfort a close friend who’s going through a tough time. You’d probably offer them words of encouragement, not criticism. So why not give yourself that same grace? Instead of being your own harshest critic, try to be your own biggest supporter. Self-compassion isn’t just about feeling good—it’s a crucial tool for staying motivated and resilient as you work toward your goals.
Honoring the present moment
While it’s great to be excited about the future, don’t forget about the present. Mindfulness teaches us that the present moment is the only time we truly have. It’s easy to get so caught up in where we want to go that we miss out on the here and now.
By focusing on the present, you can appreciate the small wins and progress you’re making along the way. You don’t have to wait until you’ve reached your goals to feel good about yourself—you can find joy in the journey. Being mindful of today helps you stay grounded and reminds you that growth is a process, not a destination.
Transforming while staying true to yourself
As you work toward your goals, it’s important to stay grounded in who you are today. Here are some common transformations people strive for and tips on how to love yourself through each one:
1. Quitting bad habits
Letting go of unhealthy habits like smoking or overeating can feel overwhelming. It’s easy to tie your self-worth to whether or not you succeed. But you are more than your habits. Even if you slip up along the way, that doesn’t change your worth.
When I decided to stop drinking alcohol, I would often feel shame over the fact I needed to quit in the first place. With drinking so much a part of our culture, I started to think maybe I was overreacting–that I didn’t really need to stop drinking. But I celebrated each morning I awoke fresh and energetic. I actually told myself out loud “I am glad I made the choice last night to not drink. I feel great today. This is how I want to feel. I can do this again.”
Self-love tip: Instead of focusing only on the end goal, celebrate small wins like cutting back or making healthier choices. Progress is progress.
2. Getting in better shape
Fitness goals are often tied to how we feel about our bodies, but your body is worthy of love and care right now, regardless of your fitness level. A healthy mindset is just as important as a healthy body.
When I started aggressive inline skating, I couldn’t jump as high as I would like, and I would tire out after just 30 minutes of fun. I was in my mid-40s at the time, and most people thought skating at that age was silly. Some days, I thought I should just stop trying, like I was fooling myself for wanting to skate so well.
Then I realized I would get a little better each time I skated. I just had to keep going and focus on the fun I was having instead of the moves I couldn’t quite do yet. I made sure to do a certain number of jumps every time I skated, as well as a minimum number of simple laps around the tennis court where I often went. Eventually, I could easily skate for over an hour.
While my jumps still aren’t as high as I would like, they have grown higher than before, allowing me to do more tricks.
Self-love tip: Focus on what your body can do today. Whether it’s walking a little farther or feeling stronger, honor the progress you’re making.
3. Becoming more financially independent
Working toward financial stability can be a long journey, especially if you’re going back to school or switching careers. It’s easy to feel like you’re “not enough” until you’ve reached that milestone. But every step you take is valuable.
When I was trying to pay off a lot of credit card debt, I would do the math and see that it would probably take years. I felt ashamed that I hadn’t followed my parents’ penny-pinching financial example and that I was in so much debt with a low-paying job. I would fret over the lost opportunities during those years because I had no money to spend.
But then I decided what sacrifices I would make in order to pay off a little more here and there. I always told myself I was glad I didn’t waste money on things like overpriced coffee, so I could pay an extra $30 off that month.
Eventually, I never even thought about extravagant things, and it actually felt like a fun game to get that much closer to being debt-free.
Self-love tip: Acknowledge the hard work you’re putting in today. The effort you’re making now is what’s building your future success.
4. Setting boundaries
Learning to set and uphold boundaries is a powerful transformation, but it can feel awkward at first. You may worry about how others will react, but setting boundaries is about respecting yourself and your needs.
When I was a personal caretaker for a dear friend, I initially removed all of my boundaries to focus completely on her needs. Over time, this wore me out, and I had to start saying “no” to some requests, leaving some time and energy for myself. I felt guilty every time I said “no,” and thought I had somehow misled her into thinking that “me without boundaries” could be the normal forever.
Another friend taught me, however, that with no boundaries set, I would likely burn out and completely walk away from helping my friend, leaving her in a real bind. The process of understanding and respecting my own boundaries became necessary in order to preserve that friendship and keep her moving toward recovery.
Every time I upheld a boundary by saying “no” to a request, I reminded myself why this was important and how it was a loving gesture that protected our future friendship. Boundaries are still hard to this day, but my life and the lives of people I care about are all better now.
Self-love tip: Each time you set a boundary, you’re practicing self-respect. It might feel uncomfortable, but it’s a huge step toward personal growth.
5. Building better relationships
Improving communication or spending more time with loved ones is a worthy goal, but relationships take time to grow. While you’re working on improving your connections, don’t overlook the love and effort you’re already putting in.
When I divorced my wife and moved out of the house, the relationship with my children changed. I was so used to being around them every day, automatically, that suddenly I saw them only every week or two. I needed to be mindful and make more of an effort to schedule time with them. However, it never felt like I was doing enough, and sometimes I would just avoid the effort altogether, trying to ignore and avoid the discomfort of “am I doing this right?”
Then I started taking it one visit at a time. I would make it clear when we would get together, help decide what we would do to make it quality time, and remind myself afterwards that we had just made some more small shared memories. It was far better than saying, “maybe I’ll see you next week.”
I felt pathetic every time our visit would be over, and I had to leave. It turns out my kids hated those “see you later” moments, as well. But I kept at it, and the relationship with my kids slowly adjusted. We have great relationships now, and I can look back and realize that every single visit made a difference. I made a difference.
Self-love tip: Celebrate the progress you’ve made in your relationships. No relationship is perfect, but the effort you’re making counts.
6. Improving mental health
Mental health journeys can be long and unpredictable, and sometimes progress isn’t easy to see. But seeking help, practicing mindfulness, or taking small steps toward healing is progress, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.
Self-love tip: Recognize your strength in seeking help and working on your mental health. You’re doing incredible work, even if it feels slow at times.
7. Embracing your true identity
Whether you’re exploring your gender identity or sexual orientation, learning to fully embrace who you are is a huge transformation. It can be both exciting and scary, but you deserve love and respect no matter where you are in your journey.
When I first questioned my gender identity, I felt afraid there was something wrong with me, that at middle age I was already supposed to have this figured out. With my athletic masculine body and male privilege, who was I to keep thinking about my more feminine feelings and desires? Shouldn’t I just keep ignoring them, telling myself they were just sideways thoughts that didn’t really represent who I was? You’re being ridiculous!
Then one evening, I just stopped trying so hard and decided to trust these feelings when they came. I stopped telling myself, “No, you can’t act that way, you’re a man,” and allowed myself to grow in a more feminine direction.
Trusting myself was the real game-changer, and now I grow a little more each day.
Self-love tip: Trust yourself. You are valid, and your identity is worthy of love, right now.
Questions about loving yourself while embracing change
Finding peace with who you are
Transformation doesn’t have to come from a place of frustration or dissatisfaction. When we treat ourselves with kindness and patience, we can grow from a place of self-love, not self-criticism. You are worthy of love right now, even as you strive to grow into the person you want to be.
Remember: growth is a process. It takes time. And you don’t have to wait until you’ve reached your goals to love yourself. You are already someone deserving of care, kindness, and respect. By embracing who you are today, you’ll set the foundation for even more powerful, lasting transformation.
More stuff about change from other places…
- How to Embrace Change and Personal Growth : A River Runs Through It. Some key ideas I just love for finding and pursuing changes throughout your life. Don’t miss this one.
- How to embrace change and why it’s necessary for growth. A few decent thoughts and strategies on how to view change in your life.
What changes have you made, and how did you handle it?
Let us know in the comments what changes you have gone through, or are going through. What were some problems you ran into along the way? How did you keep yourself going?
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